I’m standing in the middle of a circle surrounded by people reaching for me. They all want or need something from me. Something I can no longer give. I’m running on fumes, too weak to help anyone, including myself. My mind and body can no longer function the way it used to. I am beyond overwhelmed and trying not to let anxiety take over. This emotional pain can’t be seen like a scrape or bruise because I hide it, keep it locked up until no one is around. Then the endless tears spill down my face.
I realize that I’ve been so quick to want to save everyone else, I forgot to save myself. Lost, confused and frustrated I wonder if it’s too late to be saved? Every day I keep trying to find the strength to keep going. I’m getting tired of trying only to be let down and disappointed. Am I surprised? I shouldn’t be because disappointment is all I’ve known.
No matter how hard I try to make things better for myself, nothing changes. I keep questioning why I can’t stop the stress, anxiety, and depression. With each day that passes I get no answer. So I grow wearier and convinced that this is how my life is meant to be.
My brain is desperately scrambling to make sense of it all. And then it hits me-I am the problem and the solution. Time to stop questioning whether or not things will change and focus on me, myself, and I. Learn how to embrace the changes in my life instead of allowing them to overwhelm me. I no longer want to waste energy on things I can’t control.
When I look in the mirror I want to see a reflection that smiles back at me. No longer smiling through the hurt, confusion, and pain. Smiling because I am truly happy in my soul and love what I see and what I’m doing.
About the Author
Jennifer Johnson is a business owner, blogger, motivational speaker, and writer. She resides in Suffolk, Virginia with her husband and 4 children (2 boys and 2 girls). She is passionate about creating content that inspires others while sharing her personal journey.
Jennifer believes that everyone’s journey is not the same, but each journey offers personal and spiritual growth which is needed to achieve one’s fullest potential. She believes there is value in sharing personal experiences because they can help others. Like most women, she’s experienced hard times in her life. Her mission is to empower a community of supportive women who are learning and growing through this journey called life.
When not writing or sharing, you will find her spending quality time with her family, cooking a new dish or watching a good movie.